The Lone Teardrop

Sifting through the memories of a lifetime
flashes of wrongs and rights,
inemptitudes and achievements.
Staring back at the blank plastered ceiling
waiting for, listening eagerly for whispers
of my last breath escaping
floating above all dear ones,
through the hospital roof
and into the eternal sunshine.
"Hold on just another day,
for your granddaughter's graduating today"
These lone whispered words
in the voice I so loved
of my soulmate, of my wife
wiping the long tear streaks
on her age-impressed cheeks
reverberated through my worldly demise.
I remember her still fresh life
memories of her sweet, buxom smile,
and her dear daughter, the star of our lives
still learning to navigate through life.
Ah! how quickly does time pass away
why it was just yesterday
when she paddled over to me on all fours
beaming with the brightest of smiles
prodding with her tiny little stubs
blabbering on in her eternal rhymes.
Remembering again, my life that has been
recapturing inside, the sounds and the sights
the moments and memories that I have acquired
I wish to carry along with me to the other side.
I look at them all once more through my hazy eyes
as a single lone tear slides silently but gently,
traversing its short life to the ear from the eye.

Comrade in Thought, Comrade in Mind

Raindrops splatter into static puddles
sliding down dusty window panes,
I suppress a shivering shudder
as I pass some flickering flames.
Darkness hangs heavy overhead
thick mist swirling tiny rivulets,
silent whispers beckon me astray
deep into the frolicy lane.
The staccato echo of my heavy shoes
falter a bit and draw to a pause,
the owl overhead turned to listen
as I risked a tiny side wise glance.
Creepy figures scrunched the gravel
beating to a hypnotic tune,
wispy strands of purple smoke
enticingly demand my senses luke.
Nervously biting the quivering lip
statically I toe the line,
Should I, or should I not?
Oh! its so hard to decide.
Slowly taking a single step
I glanced down the murky aisle,
but instantly the dark spirits
overpowered my pristine mind.
Oh what folly, retreat I must
try to take back that single step,
subconscious the battle thundered away
in the gray street under the dark sky.

Suddenly a touch of love
shattered the invisible bonds so vile,
as I felt the warmth within
of a true friend by my side.
Sweet love melodies flow through me
enveloping me in fetal smile,
elevating me to the level above
it made me see the brilliant sunshine.
I started to feel the goodness within
the beat of my heart, a rhythm divine,
pulsating freedom frisking me through
unchaining me and taking me high.
Gone were the days so dark
nothing left of the creatures of night,
beautiful birds chirped overhead
and people appeared living their lives.
My eyes opened to the beautiful world
and the first thing I saw were her beautiful eyes,
she held my hand in her own
and held my mind with her smile.
She whispered sweet nothings in my head
and told me to walk by her side,
we took a step towards the bright glow
and together we traversed the last green mile.


Sometimes we need to make life-changing decisions. No one else can make them for you. And living by the consequences of such decisions is called 'your life'. As a parent, all one can really hope for is that by the time such decisions need to be made by their sons and daughters, they would have shaped the clay pot, so to say, to the best of their abilities, that their children would know whats best for themselves. After that, all they can do is step back and see how well the clay pot functions.

But what happens when the parents are reluctant to let go of your image as a young kid in need of guidance? Does it shield you from the responsibility of making these life-defining decisions? Can you blindly follow the orders of a general, knowing that inside, your heart is screaming out to do what you feel is the right thing to do? And more importantly, would it be your life you would be living if all you do is try to follow the wishes of others?

Being fair to the parents, they just want what's best for their children. But the thing they should ask themselves is, are they doing it the right way? I believe that no one, absolutely no one, in the whole world has found the correct answer to the question of how should life be lived? We are all trying our hand at answering it, and in the process come up with a formula that works in some cases, but fails in others. Agreed that the ratio of success to failure varies in all cases, but its somewhere in the middle for most of them. In such a case, how would an individual know how to get up if he/she never has to take a fall? Of course the near and dear ones can lecture at lengths about the pitfalls and lessons learnt from their lives. But that doesn't work half as well as making those mistakes ourselves and learning from them.

Therefore, a solemn request from the progeny to the progenitor, "You did a great job in the time you had to mould the clay. Now, in the baking furnace, its time to try my hand at living my life. You are always welcome to guide and suggest. That's your right as the clay potter. But the decisions to be made are mine to make. Please try to understand and help me do justice to my life. Let me play the dice, let me stumble if I have to, let me learn to get back on my feet, and by doing so, you would help me walk my life with my head held high."

I Am Nobody

- by Outlines of Shades

Its nobody
who touches my heart,
Its nobody
who feels my part,
Its nobody
who wipes my tears,
Its nobody
who holds me in fear,
Its nobody
from the start,
Its nobody
to mend my broken heart.

Several tears
I weep in darkness
in front of a silent mirror
choking in silence.

Its me
sitting alone now,
Its me
somewhere somehow,
Its me
lost in the darkness,
Its me
clawing in the recess,
Its me
falling apart,
Its me
dying of a broken heart.

Makin' Sense

Someone once asked me in an interview, "If that is the number of visitors actually hitting your blog, why do you have it anyway?"
To which I replied, "I have it because I love to write, because it is somewhere I can share what I feel, because it is someplace on the internet I can really call mine. How many people read it and what they think about it....well, that's just someone in the stands shouting out to the real players, about how to do their job better."

Looking back at those days, I guess that was one of the very few answers that actually came from my heart. You know, the ones that guarantee to impress the interviewer into getting you through the horrid cycles of evaluation and re-evaluation.... Sigh!

Well, things change and here I am, thankful to all of you for having a decent enough crowd breezing through this blog. It would be better though if most of you would actually stay for a while and read stuff, but I guess I ain't one of those guys who put up shit and still manage to have a menagerie of mongrels lickin' up everything with a slurp.

Its good in a way. I can stay focused. I can stay real. This place still distinctly belongs to me, is about what I feel, and is put up in a way I want it to be. Kinda like what someone close to me once said: "My life...My way!"

Can I add, "My Blog...My say!"?


The Agony of a Heavy Heart

I walk alone
empty corridors
echoing my rubber soles.
Dead weight of
the pistol in hand
benumbs my senses
its lethal power
quivering, yet still
throbbing heart
restless, but at peace
in ghastly silence
expels a serene breath.

I walk across
the bench where
Haley and I
conquered calculus,
across the court where
had shot some hoops
with the Scott brothers.
Laden feet dragged on
reverberating, shattering
swishy whispers
where Brooke cheered on
and her smell lingers.

"Mea Culpa!"
chill, piercing sonic
slashes away
the shiny lights
with breezy sway.
I look down
and there I lay
head twisted in agony,
mouth agape,
the wound drippin' crimson,
exonerating, but
draining the vitality away.

Words And Moments

words that hurt
words that heal
words that are for you
words that are for me
words that I said
words that were meant to be
words that shake the ground
words that are surreal
words that touch
words that make you feel.

moments that mar
moments that mark
moments that flow away
moments that come again
moments that open your eyes
moments that make you smile
moments that fly by
moments that pave the way
moments that are precious
moments that are just for us.