There's an animal inside me. An animal that I feel I have been carrying for a long time. An animal that lies dormant, almost comatose, listening and waiting for me to provide it with a chance to manifest itself. I have to heed its calls and satisfy its hunger for if I don't, it starts eating me from within. And from experience, I have learnt that thats a situation I don't want to be in. All I can do is try to hold it in for as long as I can and then eventually let it out. Now that method seemed to work perfectly or me until recently, when I realised that with each outburst, its appetite is increasing. I fear that there will be a day when I would not be able to satisfy the monster any more and that would no doubt be the beginning of the end of me.
The last time it feasted, the monster's thirst was not quenched and it craved for more. Afraid that it would ruin my academic life, I rallied hard to suppress it. We fought through long days and longer nights. It took large chunks from my insides, larger than it had ever taken, and they burned in pain. I lurched this way and that, but how can one dodge a foe who is within? All I did, all I could do, was grit my teeth and persevere. At long, it subsided and I could live again. I had won! I salvaged whatever of myself I could find in the ruins of the battle and tried to start afresh. Alas! As the old saying goes, 'I had won the battle but I had lost the war'. The beast survived, while I was nothing but a broken mess.
I can't fight it anymore.
So friends, don't be surprised if you see me dancing in totally undanceable situations. Now you know why.
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