Life's scented bullshit

The past month of my life has been frantically topsy-turvy at best. What with all the exams and interviews and associated preparations(ya I know!) and what not, there just seemed so little time! It is only after its all over that I feel there's this big void in my life that I just can't seem to fill up with anything. I know male chauvinism demands that I be 'the man' and take it all up and basically don't be a wuss about it, but sorry, I'm just not that kinda guy! Its been what, like months and I still rue the fact that I have no girlfriend, although I must say all I did in my previous relationship can still be done with my ex without anyone batting an eyebrow. But it just seems wrong in so many weird ways that even though my ex has been so good to me, I just can't bring myself to do it. But I digress. What got me all tippy-tappy on the keyboard of my laptop was the stark contrast I found myself viciously stuck in. Maybe its the part I must play in the game of our holy Lord or whatever and am unable to see the bigger picture, but let me tell you, "Dude, it sucks!"

When I embarked upon the trip to manipal, the university town of India, I had this really awful premonition that somehow this trip is gonna sting in ways I can't even begin to prophetize. Now its a beautiful place to be and I find no logic or reason in holding back if I get an opportunity to do so. But let me tell you dear reader, the charm of the place, or at least a part of it, was lost upon me for the simple and sordid fact that I was single and alone. Oh how I longed for a single familiar face in the crowd, a long-lost friend from the past maybe, or even a friendly new one, a face friendly enough to be the foundation of a great new relationship. That there be someone in the crowd out there who, for all my shortcomings, would help me walk the same road as so many other couples right in front of me, nimbly holding hands, oblivious to the world. Alas! all my wishing and wondering apart, I was still the ('cute?') little kitten stuck all alone in the rain, purring away in the darkness. Of course the trip was a short one, but what comfort am I supposed to find in the fact that I will soon be in the company of my cell mate (that's what I call my room now) who is irrevocably love-smitten, that he is in that wonderful phase in a relationship where anything and everything not involving the better half of his life seems trivial and frivolous. Now for the record I hold nothing against him and am happy for him, possibly even over-reacting a bit, but understand dear reader that being in the same room, it is not easy to ignore someone yacking away 24x7 on his mobile with his dear one, knowing that you could have been so much happier than what you are now, if only you had kept your pie-hole clamped shut like you always did. However I hold no regrets and still maintain (as has been certified by many others) that it was the right thing to do.

Finally for all those of you wondering why, in heaven's sake, am I rambling about my life on this celluloid media, this two dimensional catacomb of sorts that I call my blog. Well, what can I say except that again it is just a cheap replacement for that special someone, with whom I would like to cuddle together in front of the small warm fire and talk about the various ups and downs that mortals call life.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

there cudnt have been a better title for this...
han if i have to criticize this i wud js say that wen ppl search for 'bullshit' ur page'l b on the list.

.. js kiddin, its nice.-neelu