The Burgundy Butterfly


In this life and the next
even throughout all the rest,
I'll be yours and you'll be mine
its all just a matter of time.
Girl I love you, yes I do.
That's why whenever you're blue
I see the tears you hide inside
ones that escape, I try to wipe
To keep you safe, I always try
but sometimes I lose it, sometimes I cry
sometimes I wish that I just die
just to show you what I feel inside
there is nothing that I wouldn't try.
But that's all I ever seem to do
try and try harder to deserve you.
Guess you're right and I was wrong
and that's why I am writing this song.
You are my one and I was yours,
the guy who used to make your blood course.
He lost his smile, he lost his rhyme,
he lost himself over a period of time.
We were happy, we were fine
but he wanted just a little time.
You see, I still shudder inside
every time I remember that night
scars and bruises heal over time
and this one here is taking its time.
You shouldn't blame yourself for it
it was just something I did.
After the night the clouds had roared
never again my spirit soared.
Unicorn murderer, he had sinned
and I knew I couldn't live with him
that's why now all that's left of him
is a vague blur with scars that scream within.
But in this process I just skipped
one essential fact that simply rips
apart this whole diabolical scheme
of why I did what I did
and who the real enemy is.
You see it was he and not me
who swept you off your feet,
for whom your violin strung,
for whom the birds and bees
flew around overhead
blessing eternal peace.
I know that now,
known it for a few days,
thought about it
and can put it all on replay.
But this time around
I wanna do it the right way.
Don't misinterpret me, know
we're both part of this relay.
Am gonna be him
gonna resurrect him from his grave.
He's young and foolish
but his path we shall pave
together, now and forever,
just stay with us come what may.

My Mockingbird

Fly little birdie
fly high in the sky
under angel's wings
sweet touchdown I aspire

Prologue To Our (goin'-to-be) First Novel



Somewhere in ‘05,

Dear Reader,
It’s 3 O'clock in the mornin’. I don't remember the date ‘coz I haven’t been updating the journal for quite a long time. For weeks I’ve been tryin’ to face myself, the person I am, the person standin’ in front of the mirror. But tonight when I was going through some captured memories of my precious, I realised just how amazing those moments were! I couldn’t hold myself from feeling gracious and smiling at the vivacious little acts she used to put together just to see me smile. Today, even though she’s not with me, she has made me smile after a very long time. I look at myself in the mirror, see myself lively and smiling, and question “Do I deserve to smile? Do I deserve to be happy?” Maybe not! But I can’t help feeling happy, satisfied and complete whenever I think about her and grieve at the same time that I can no longer be with her, or have the things I had, no matter how hard I try. Seems like I will always be hollow inside, filled with nothin’ but regret and agony. The darkness will never go away, the mistakes I have made will never stop chasing me, and my tattered soul will never be whole again. So am making the last entry, to my diary and to my life, ‘coz my soul can’t have a second chance to make things right again, ‘coz my life is left with no meaning other than conveying its mistakes, ‘coz my conscience tells me that I deserve to die.
I don’t know who you are but you'll come to know me real better when you read this journal of mine, whose epilogue you are going through right now. If you're starting this journal from this entry, you might be wondering who am I, what’s my name, and what’s the reason I am dead? Honestly and to be straight, the answers to the first two questions don’t really matter ‘coz if you're reading this you either already know me or will be knowing me after you’ve read this journal. And if you don’t wish to continue then you definitely do not bother about me. Yes, it could've taken a word or two to explain who am I, but I kept on saying things that are ambiguous, ‘coz I see the world differently and that’s the answer to the last question, the reason I am dead. Am not a coward, am not scared of anything, am not running' away from my responsibilities, then why am doing somethin' that am doing, because my death is the only way for the world to know my memoir.
Well, am not a guy who keeps memoir of everything he does, but then I started with this habit when I felt handicapped to understand the things that were going around me. Pretty crazy you know! Wasn’t' able to keep track of what’s happening when, why am standin' in the middle of a street, sleep walkin', hallucinating, and forgetting things. While sitting' beside my friend’s dead body in the morgue, I realised that my memories were playing games with me and decided to capture them into pictures or words and cage them on paper.
Am an artist by profession, the Artist who can’t part with its artistry, the one who captures the very flowing emotion that never comes back, the beauty of very instant that slips away if not captured on canvas, the beauty I used to come across every day. Now that she’s been missin’ like forever, what’s left in me is mere flesh and bones with running blood streams, walkin’ alone, heading nowhere. The last string that connects you and the world to me is this journal. And through this last page I implore you dear reader, never let go of the love you have, ‘coz there are very few people in this world whom you meet only once in a lifetime. If you lose them, they may never come back. If the story of my life recorded in here helps you in any way, then let it help someone else too. Perhaps that’s the only way I can redeem myself for the mistakes I‘ve made.

Jason Ames (a.k.a Jesse)

Fallen Angel


My eyes flutter open,
moisture spilling over the edge.
Looking over the green pastures,
with butterflies overhead.

I tried to stand up,
but could not find my feet.
I may have lost my wings now,
but inside is where I bleed.

Kiss me O' father,
tell me this isn't the end.
To heal my broken wings,
another angel you shall send.

Tell me you still love me,
that I meant more to you.
My spirit's still alive in me,
and I keep it all for you.

Its been ages I've been there,
your death wish I still defy.
Am I still your prized angel?
Then why my heaven you deny?

These beautiful lilies will fade one day,
these rolling meadows will all turn to hay,
and I'll still crawl around on all fours,
weeping, waiting, and living on for one more day.

Psy Thesaurus

Walkin' down the boulevard,
blissfully in my dream.
Ain't nothing I care about,
don't care what it really means.

Fly sweet angel,
gently by my side.
Tell me where should I go,
got nothing to hide.

I never thought that I could...
I never thought that I would...
always knew, always knew
everythin' I got to know.

Oh! sweet angel,
a silhouette I perceive.
Please tell me the truth,
is this what you want for me.

All the brightest colors,
showering on my head.
Sweet rose petals,
carpeting my bed.

Begone be thy miseries,
let love nectar suffice.
I know I got it all,
when I look into your eyes.

I never thought that I could...
I never thought that I would...
always knew, always knew
everythin' I got to know.

Sweet Summer Kiss

I never thought I'd see
the blue sea, the bright horizon
thought they were'nt meant for me
the evergreen love I was after
but then you came
to show me the way
the day you kissed me I could dream again
and I know that we'd be together for always
Coz you're the one for me
yes you are the only one I see
You're so special girl in my life
I wanna hold you close by my side
got no other way to say
please stay with me for always.

The emptiness of my heart
made me believe that love could never
hold on on its own
and face the storms on our horizon
but you were there
in every tear
I could love you girl
for all my years
and there will be life ever after in shade or rain
Coz you're the one for me
yes you are the only one I see
You're so special girl in my life
I wanna hold you close by my side
got no other way to say
please stay with me for always.

My Bebo

I kiss you gently on the forehead,
tuck you snug in the bed spread.

I lightly brush your hair back,
my fingers feeling their soft matte.

I whisper a prayer to make you well,
for a moment pause and savor the smell.

Finally I take a snap in my mind,
and leave wishing you a very goodnight...